


Don't Let Me Go

by Senowolf



Series: Oh Sabriel, Oh Destiel~! [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angel Sex, Anniversary, Crying Sam, Dean Being an Idiot, Depressed Sam, Depression, Dream?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Protective Gabriel, Sexual Content, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy, Winged Gabriel, Wings, belief issues, dream - Freeform, pain as drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 12:11:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4606299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Senowolf/pseuds/Senowolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Sam is depressed because Gabriel is dead and he dreams about the angel, just a really slightly depressing story of Sam's pain from the realization's he has. Takes place after s5..? </p><p>Anyway this was inspired by Raign's Don't Let Me Go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you can read my fic and enjoy it. :)

"Make love to me Gabriel."

That's what I had said to him when he showed up again. Dean was currently across the hall, probably asleep or talking to Cas. Meaning that I could pray to him. 

I had barely said his name and he had appeared, standing in a position worthy of a fight. 

His face had scrunched up in confusion when he saw that I wasn't in trouble. Then I had said those words to him and he had merely stared. When he did nothing I began to remove my clothes, waiting for him to move. He finally did once my shirts were removed and I was working on my jeans. 

He kicked off his shoes, face unusually serious but soft as he climbed on top of me. His face hovered over mine by inches, slowly closing the distance, soft sure lips pressing against my own. I didn't even know for sure if this was real or not, he had been killed by Lucifer. This wasn't real. It was all a dream. 

My eyes moistened when I realised it probably was nothing but a dream, no it was a dream. Just when I had thought about giving into the temptations the angel had he was taken away from me. Dean had Castiel, why was it that everything I ever wanted had to be destroyed? I was brought out of my thoughts when a smaller hand ran down my cheek. 

I looked up through my tears, into golden eyes that comforted me a little, but that didn't stop the tears. In fact my tears fell more profusely when I looked into them. He ran a hand through my hair, eyes softened and face sincere. 

"Oh Sammy......I'm so sorry..." He whispered in a voice so very unlike Gabe that it stung and pulled at something in me that hurt like a throbbing pain. 

With wet cheeks I helped him tug off my jeans, relieving the semi hard cock. I whimpered at the cool air hitting it. Gabriel looked down at me, a hidden question there. 

Without thinking I nodded and closed my eyes as his lips crashed against mine, teeth clacking together uncomfortably but with a certain rawness that made it easier to believe this was real. I tipped my head back to give him access to my throat, feeling his teeth bite and caress the skin there. 

"Gabe." I moaned in a broken voice when his hand gripped my hard flesh in his hand and stroked. 

He hushed me gently as he pumped his hand over my cock. I felt shivers work through me and against his clothed skin. Noticing that, I ran my hands under his worn brown jacket hearing a hiss and a soft groan. I easily pulled his jacket and shirt off of his small frame and paused at his trousers. His eyes met mine for a minute before he unbuttoned his jeans. 

He wiggled out of the denim, throwing them away from the bed, leaving him in just green plaid boxers. They looked like the same fabric of my plaid shirt I always wore. I wanted to smile, I would have smiled. If I knew this was real and not just a painful dream. I rolled us, so I was on top and watched him smirk. It fell away though, just a ghost of the real thing. With hurt and anger I kissed him harshly feeling and hearing him grunt in surprise. 

My fingers dug into his hips, making the angel hiss. I bit at his neck and jaw, hands ripping his boxers off. There was a pit of emptiness sitting right under my diaphragm and it was slowly eating away at my insides. It had first settled in my gut the moment I found out that Gabe was dead. The memory brings the pain washing back but I stave it off at the seams. 

"I want you Gabriel....I want to have you at least once, even if its in my dreams..." I ask silently. 

Gabriel nods and wraps his hands around my shoulders to pull himself up. His legs are around my waist and he's gyrating his hips against mine so our cocks rub against each other. 

Moans tumble from my lips while I rut against his hips. He is letting out quiet sounds but they are all I need. I growl painfully and grip both of us in my large hand and pump in time with our movements, pre-come being the only lube we have. Gabe gasps out and his head falls back, he looks around the shitty motel room and grunts in annoyance. 

With a snap of his thumb and forefinger there is a bottle of lube laying a few inches away from him. I grab it with a sudden animosity and wrench open the cap. I look down at him and ask quietly with emotions bleeding out around the syllables,

"How do you want it?" 

Part of me wonders why I bother asking if this is a dream. Again my heart smarts in fear and pain. It must show on my face because he's running one of those perfectly small hands over my face again. I feel my eyes close and I lean into the touch. 

"Not what I want Sammy, but what you want. What do you want...?" He asks. 

I don't deserve this, I don't deserve to be treated with such love and admiration. I don't deserve anything. 

"Don't you dare think like that Samuel Winchester. Don't you dare. You deserve every amount of credit given to you and more." He says with warning and something else. 

I feel my chin shake and my heart throb. 

"I want you, I want you to-" I choke on emotion but force them down long enough to finish. 

"I-I want you inside me Gabriel. I need you inside me." I whimper against his jaw. 

I feel his cock throb against the hollow in my hip and he kisses my forehead while letting me roll onto my back. I spread my legs slowly, feeling incredibly open and transparent. 

"You're beautiful Sam, don't let anyone ever, ever tell you different.....If they do I will smite them..." Gabriel says dead serious. 

Sam laughs a little but it sounds forced. Usually he would have to hide his laughs at Gabe's comments. 

But now as Gabriel dumped lube onto his fingers, he couldn't feel happy or elated. Gabriel was dead. His own brother killed him becuase he tried to kill him. It was all our fault that he was dead, all because Dean and I wanted the angel to kill his own brother. 

Flashback:

"Dean, I can't kill my brother..."  
"Can't or won't?" 

End Flashback:

Sam bit the inside of his cheek as he remembered what his brother had said to the angel, a lubed finger easing into him in the process before stilling. How could Dean just tell him that? If the positions were reversed and it was him would Dean really be able to kill him? 

By now Gabriel had stilled and was staring at me. His eyes hiding emotion that was threatening to break through. Perhaps he had been listening to what I was thinking. The twitch of the angels eyes confirmed that. Trying to get away from those thoughts I pressed back onto his finger, groaning when the digit rubbed against that special spot. 

"Gabe....Gabriel....Gabriel...." I moaned, hearing the angels breath hitch. 

He pulled his fingers out and replaced it with two. The burn was almost too much but it distracted me from the pain in my heart. 

With time there were soon three fingers buried in my heat, pushing and stretching out against my walls. I was panting and breathing hard by the time he pulled out. He wiped his fingers on the sheets before reaching for the bottle of lube again. I watched with blown eyes as he lubed up his cock, a small sigh leaving his ribs. 

Then he was lining himself up with my stretched entrance, the heat of his cock nudging me. I moaned at the touch, excitement flowing through me. 

"Sam, I just have to ask if this is really what you want..." 

"Yes Gabe, I've wanted this for a while.." I mutter. 

My eyes are closed when I feel the head of his cock slowly breach the tight ring of muscle, the burning sensation filling my body and giving painful pleasure to me. Gabe stilled and I know he was listening to me again but I egg him on. 

'It's okay Gabe, keep going, I want this..'

'Sam, if you're in pain than I don't want to hurt you....' He answers softly. 

'Please Gabe, I need this...' 

He frowns but pushes forward harshly, making me yelp out, but I tell him to move and so he does. It's my dream and I get to decide what happens. 

The pain is beautiful. The way it is flowing through my veins, the way it washes over the harsher pain in my heart. It is a personal drug that lasts only as long as it can. 

"What are those..." Gabe pauses in his movements, pointing to my ribs. 

I look down and see the dark scars of cuts, some fresh and others old and healed. 

"Gabe I don't want to talk-"

"What are they." His voice is lower and dark. 

"They-I-" 

My eyes water and my chest is constricted and the pain is making breathing impossible. 

'It's my only release.' I think. 

'Sam-what do you-'

'I hurt myself Gabriel, it's my only escape from the pain, the pain your death has wrought upon me. It won't go away unless I hurt myself.'

I sense anger but then there is great sadness. Gabriel moves his hips and thrusts into me long and hard, cock pressing into my prostate with every thrust. I'm gasping and mewling, my voice going higher and making me whine in pleasure laced pain. It is so electrifying and euphoric that it takes up my senses. 

I feel a hand grip my cock and pull to match the body jolting thrusts that the angel dishes out. My body is trembling and tensing up with my oncoming orgasm. 

It sweeps through me like a tsunami, burning my veins as it takes away the pain like houses being washed away into the abyss. My body is so tense its just short of excruciating pain. But it is all I need. 

"Gabriel, don't let me go, I'm not letting go....hold me in your beating heart. Thats where I'm holding you. You're everything I need, it's not enough though. I need you here." I am suddenly crying and sobbing out the words, high pitched whines leaving me. 

Gabriel tenses and curls into my chest as his orgasm takes over him, a loud cry of enochian laced with my name spilling out of his mouth, and there is a growing light in the room, something celestial and I know I have to close my eyes. When I do, I feel something warm and soft brush my shoulders along with words of "Mine" and "Promise" flashing through my mind. 

Theres a loud ringing but it isn't deafening, it almost sounds like music and I know that it is his true voice. I can feel his pleasure flowing through me and back to him, making my body forget the hurt and pain and only feel warm and whole again, the pit in my chest disappearing. The warmth stays, but the light is fading along with the loud ringing though there is something else that remains. 

There is the softness that had brushed my shoulders earlier. I open my eyes and feel the tears in my eyes stop for just a minute. There, on each side of me is a pair of wings, large golden and white dappled wings. The beauty of them stuns me into silence and there is a sudden hope in my heart that hadn't been there before. 

"G-Gabriel?" My voice cracks. 

The spent angel lifts his head from my chest and looks tiredly into my eyes. The gold shining brightly. 

"Yeah Samoose?" He asks with a small smirk.

"Gabe? Are you really here? O-or am I d-dreaming?"  I ask with too much hope. 

"Yes Sammy this is all a dream." He smiles. 

My eyes sting and I choke on a sob as I look down at the sheets to my right. My chin wobbles as I try to stay calm. Gabriel nearly flails as he is quick to correct his mistake. 

"Hey Sam, Sam I was joking-Sam don't cry, big moose don't cry......" He whispers while making me meet his eyes. 

"Heeeey, shhhh....Sam, I am here, I really am here. It's not a dream.....I promise...." 

I try to stifle it, but I can't. I let out an animalistic cry of agony and pain. But there is relief interlaced in it. Gabe pulls me close to him, soft wings curling under my back to lift me into a sitting position so I am sitting in his lap. 

Now in any other case I would laugh at the size difference but I don't care becuase not even me, moose could hurt him. The large wings that are wrapped protectivly around me is all the comfort and reassurance I need. I bawl against his chest until I have no more tears to shed. But even then I still cling to him like he is going to leave....

"You don't have to worry Sammy.....Not anymore....Because I promise, I Promise you that I will never leave you again....What I did. That was low, and forcing myself to stay away was worse...especially after seeing and feeling what you were going through..." He mutters the last part, guilt seeping through. 

"Y-you knew that I-" I pause, "you knew and you didn't-didn't show or-" I stammer and feel the solemn feelings sit in by body again but Gabriel scares it away. 

"I will never leave you. I will never let you go..." Gabriel said while wiping my cheeks. 

He leaned down and kissed my nose. Then he moved to my cheeks, eyelids, forehead, and then lastly my lips. He kissed me so gingerly that it almost physically hurt. 

He pulled away slowly and made to pull away but I held him against me, want I to stay as close as possible for as long as he'd let me. 

"Just a little longer....please Gabe..." 

He smiled and laid down on my chest, his golden hair a mess and fanning out across my pectorals. Slowly, very slowly I fell under. The fear of him disappearing too strong to focus on sleep. But eventually I slept. 

***

I woke the next morning to the sun casting light onto my legs and hips. I stared at the empty bed space next to me and pulled a blank. 

My eyes widened in realization and I shot up so fast I had to hold my head for a minute while my blood flow evened out. After I could think past the pain in my head I glanced around the room in fear. 

'No it couldn't have been a dream, I'm naked for God's sake.' 

I got up and winced at the pain in my ass. I hobbled to get some boxer briefs on and called out in a worried tone, 

"Gabe!? Gabe-!?" 

Just as I was calling out again the door opened and in came Dean,  his hair all sexed up. He was definitely with Cas. 

"No it's Dean. What's wrong Sam?" He tilted his head. 

"He's gone...He's gone. He promised me that he wouldn't-He promised!" I yelled, spooking Dean and making him jump. 

I fell back onto the bed, yelping out in pain and feeling my breathing speed up and become hysterical. 

My eyes were wet, again. God I swore I was the winner for America's Biggest Baby. It was then that I saw the brown jacket on the floor. I reached down and picked it up, and brought it to my face. I inhaled deeply and felt a little more at ease. 

My eyes shot open when the door slammed open and barreling in came Gabriel. He glared at Dean on his way towards me with a 'What the Hell did you do!?' look before he reached me. 

"Hey you okay Sammy Wammy? Did Dean do something? Oh by the way I got breakfast." He said with concern. 

I looked at Dean and nodded watching Dean pull a bitch face. Gabe turned around and if he showed his wings they would be furled up behind him and ready to help him get over to Dean quicker. 

"Gabe, hey. It's okay. I was just telling him that I was, um..bisexual.....?" I said and watched Dean's eyes flick up to me and widen. 

"Oh. Hm. Sorry to scare yah Deano. How about you go check on Cas. You gave him a rough night there buddy." Gabriel smirked.

Dean blushed deeply and followed suit to Gabe's words. 

"Well now that he's gone what do you say we celebrate our anniversary?" He smiled. 

"Sure-wait what?" I asked confused. 

"I said I wouldn't let you go Sam. I mean that. So starting Today lets celebrate the day we came back to each other. Or more importantly my return to you." There was a hint of a blush on his face making me smile. 

For the first time in a long while, in that spot under my diaphragm, the cold pit felt whole.

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you think tell me cause I really wanna know!!!!!


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